Video Nice-ies

cartoon illustration
A LOT OF PRESS coverage used to be given to the possible damaging effects that violent videos could have on unstable minds. They used to be called ‘Video Nasties’. ‘DVD Nasty’ doesn’t quite have the same ring about it, but the same principles apply.

The theory is that if you show such a video to someone with violent inclinations it will propel them to commit such acts. And there are so many videos/dvds depicting chainsaw massacres and supernatural nastiness that their effects are bound to infiltrate society and disturb tea at the vicarage.

The Authorities are going to be hard-pressed to know what to do with all the murderous maniacs spawned by such readily-available digital indoctrination. Well, I may just have the answer.

The cure for a person suffering from heartburn because of too much acid in his stomach is to provide the opposite to acid: something alkaline.  Milk of Magnesia neutralises the acid effects. Ergo, we must find the equivalent treatment to neutralise the effects of those Video Nasties.

Pinafore Dress

Wheel in the Video Nice-ies, straitjacket the patient, strap his head into direct viewing line with the screen and assault him with Mary Poppins, The Railway Children, Captain’s Courageous and other similar films

If he was so easily impressionable when exposed to violence, he will most likely be equally influenced by niceness. So much so, that he will be able to skip out of the maximum security wing wearing a pinafore dress crying: “Daddy…oh, my Daddy!”

Of course, not all dangerous psychopaths will respond the same way to the same film, so a wide selection should be available. There is no telling if the more unstable mind might be inspired to even more nauseating deeds of carnage simply by exposure to the Truly Scrumptious episode from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. And who can possibly predict the adverse effects on such minds by any Robin Williams film?

Chimney Sweeps
So there is a small margin of possible error, but the basic tenet of this theory is sound. Or rather, video. The possible side effects are a justifiable risk in our quest for a safer society. And how society will have been changed as these formerly-crazed inmates pour into the streets and shopping centres.

The prison hospitals will be empty. Innocent pedestrians will walk dark streets not in fear of muggers, but in dread of a long lost relative hugging them. Some neighbourhoods will be kept awake by chimney sweeps dancing on their rooftops. It’s a hard choice, but which would YOU prefer? Fred West or Julie Andrews roaming your streets at night?

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Filed under Cartoons, DVD, film, funny, humor, Humorous Features, humour, media, movie, nasty, satire, Television, TV, Uncategorized, video

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